Alphabet Improv
by MaskedxKunoichi
Summary: Kakashi was not having a good day. To top it all off, Sakura and Sasuke are fighting again. To save his eardrums, he formulates a plan to help them talk it out, doing them a little favor in the process. Kakashi was quite the matchmaker. //SasuSaku//


Kakashi was not having a good day.

First, he woke up too early because he had set his alarm clock wrong. The next few hours were trying spent trying to find sleep and when he finally did so, another alarm clock woke him up immediately. Sleepily, he went to his kitchen and poured himself some cereal. Later, he found out he had no milk. Cursing the milk bottle for not magically refiling itself, he munched on the lone cereal in silence. After eating, he took a shower to clear his thoughts, putting himself in danger further with the dreaded hot and cold water. A very red Kakashi stormed out of the bathroom to trip on the wet floor. Kakashi used the sink for support and heaved himself up, only to fall again as his head banged on the marble sink. He groaned loudly and debated whether he should just lay there and sleep or not. But then he remembered he had forgotten his towel and carelessly walked out of the bathroom. When he passed by the doorway, he tripped again.

Five minutes later, Kakashi was still alive and was styling his hair. No, don't look at him funny, he didn't always do this. This was the first time his hair was so...flat. Really, it lacked its spiky signature. Instead, it was all long and flat and for God's sake he looked like a girl! But then he thought of a clever idea. He rummaged in his dresser and found a can of new hairspray that Kurenai had gotten him for Christmas. He had never needed it, because really his hair was naturally spiky and pfft he did NOT use feminine product unlike Gai's student...He does worry about that boy but he should worry about his own student too..Hmm... Kakashi decided to buy Sasuke hairspray for his birthday but then brushed it off because really with his chicken ass hair, he might have his own hairspray collection that no one knows about. He styled his hair up then sprinkled some hairspray, careful to not get it on his face. It seemed to hold but after a few seconds it drooped flat and Kakashi thought all hope was lost. But then he spotted some bobby pins in the corner of his drawer and thought of a brilliant plan. Thank Kami he kept a stock of this (for picking locks, of course.) Five minutes later, his hair was supported by the pins. He fastened on swimming goggles (the only goggles he had) to make it easier to spray and pressed the can, spewing the spray all over his hair and even some on his face. Perfect! The hairspray had worked! His hair was now the perfect glossy spiky hairdo he was famous for (not really.) He put on his jounin attire and his face mask, finally ready to start the day. he felt a little funny but he merely brushed it off as a hallucination.

He glanced at the clock, it was 5:04 AM. He hoped he would not be late for his 8 'oclock training with his team.

On the way to his door, Kakashi tripped.

This was not a good day for him.

Five hours later, Kakashi poofed into the training grounds.

"YOU'RE LATE!" shouted a very angry Naruto.

"Ehehe, you see, I was busy styling my hair and-"

"LIES!"

_Well, it was actually the truth this time...._

It was then he noticed that the other two members of Team 7 were off on opposite sides of Naruto, sulking.

"What's going on here?" asked Kakashi.

"Nothing, sensei." answered the pink-haired kunoichi.

''Hn." said the other.

''Sakura-chan and Sasuke-teme are fighting again. Kami, it's annoying as hell! Help me Kakashi-sensei!"

Oh Kami, so they were fighting. Again. For the thousand time in history! Kami, these two can never get along. Kakashi would not be surprised if they ended up together. Because he was impatient from his misfortunes earlier in the morning, he decided a little matchmaking wouldn't hurt. It might just save his eardrums from all the fighting, too.

''Okay team, you have an assignment."

Three ears perked up at the word.

"What is it?! Is it another A-class mission? To escort a princess from a faraway land?! Or infiltrate a spy base or-!"

''Dobe, shut up."

''Shut up, Uchiha! He was only excited."

"Shut up, pinky I wasn't talking to you."

"Don't tell me to shut up, chicken ass."

"My hair does _not_ look like a chicken's ass!"

_Yes it does,_ thought three people.

''Does too."

"At least I didn't dye mine."

"My pink hair all natural, thank you very much!"'

''ENOUGH!" Kakashi had enough.

"Obviously, you are not all working as a team. To fix this, I have an exercise for you. It is called alphabet improv."

"What the hell is that?" demanded Sakura.

"What the hell has Kakashi been smoking?" muttered Sasuke.

"That's a funny name." mused Naruto.

_"What's wrong with these children..."_ thought Kakashi.

"Here are the rules, you must say a sentence beginning with a letter of my choosing, then the next person says something that begins with the next letter. Somehow, the dialogue must make sense and must be continuous. Got it? However loses has to treat all of us to ramen."

Naruto grinned. The other three grimaced at the thought of losing their life savings on one meal.

"You can go in any order you want. Sasuke, you start with the letter....T."

**"This is so stupid."**

_"Unbelievably rude of you!"_

"Very...uh... true."

**"Why don't you all shut up?"**

_"X-rays will show what's wrong in your brain."_

"You guys never stop fighting!"

**"Zap. Haruno, you're cured of your annoyingness."**

_"Asshole, that's not a word!"_

"Break up the fight already!"

**"Crazy is what you people are."**

_"Don't make me punch you, Uchiha!"_

"Everyone make love not war!"

**"Forget it, Haruno can't get a date for her life."**

_"Get over yourself Uchiha! I can SO get a date!"_

"Hungry..I'm hungry."

**"I don't give a shit, dobe."**

_"Just ignore the emo child, Naruto. He's demented."_

**"Kick you is what I'll do but I can't hit girls."**

_"Loser is what you are!"_

"Must you guys always do this?!"

**"Never mind, you're not a girl."**

_"Oh that's it YOU'RE GOING DOWN!"_

"PLEASE SAKURA-CHAN STOP THIS!"

**"Quite a bad aim, you got there, Haruno."**

_"REST IN PIECES, UCHIHA!"_

"SAVE THE ENERGY FOR THE RAMEN!"

**"Too bad Haruno over here is gonna lose."**

_"Undoubtedly, it's you who'll lose."_

"VACATION! I NEED ONE FROM THESE TWO!"

**"We're not stopping you, dobe."**

_"....Xylophones will be used to crush your head."_

(You children are violentic...)

"ZOMBIES! THEY'RE ATTACKING!"

**"....Are you on crack?"**

_"Bite me, Uchiha! He's just hungry."_

"COME HELP ME!"

**"Don't kid yourself, Haruno, You'd taste bad."**

_"Exactly!...Hey what the hell?!"_

"Fainting...fainting....need ramen.."

**"Go to hell, Haruno and do us all a favor."**

_"Hell no, I don't wanna see you there everyday."_

"....."

(Naruto is out! You two keep going! *teehee*)

**"I want you to shut up, you annoying woman."**

_"Just come over here, I want you to meet my fist."_

**"Karma's a bitch, you know that?"**

_"Lucky I'm nice."_

**"More like annoying."**

_"No more tomatoes for you, Uchiha."_

**"Oh no, you did _not_ mess with my tomatoes."**

_"Please, I would not touch those ugly fruits."_

**"Quiet you brat. Don't mess with me."**

_"Really? Wow, you love tomatoes that much?"_

**"Shut the hell up."**

_"The Uchiha does have a weakness after all!"_

**"Undeniably stupid is what you are."**

_"Very mature of you, tomato-lover."_

**"Whatever, big forehead."**

_"X-rays show that my big forehead has a huge brain behind it."_

**"You just keep thinking that, pinky."**

_"Zaku was nicer than you!"_

**"Are you high? He was the freaking enemy!"**

_"But he was better than you!"_

**"Cut the crap, pinky. We all know _I'm_ the best."**

_"Don't make me laugh, Neji can SO beat you!"_

**"Ego is the only thing Hyuuga has."**

_"Forget you! I like Neji-kun more!"_

**"Great, now it's _Neji-kun_?"**

_"Hell, why do you care what I call him?"_

**"I don't care."**

_"Just making sure. Told you I can get a date!"_

**"Keep thinking that and maybe it'll come true."**

_"Loser, it already did. I'm going on a date with Neji."_

**"Maybe he's desperate..?"**

_"NO HE ISN'T!"_

**"Oh, then why do you explain his asking you for a date, then?"**

_"Perhaps because he thinks I'm actually not annoying!"_

**"Quite unbelievable, you're annoying as hell."**

_"Really now, then why do you still talk to me?"_

**"Simple, you're just so fun to provoke."**

_"That's all I am isn't it? Some form of entertainment for you!"_

**"Ugh, stop shouting in my ear."**

_"Very well then! Answer me!"_

**"Well, you look funny when you're angry."**

_"X-rays will show the damage done by my fist to your head."_

**"You're all red, pinky!"**

_"Zahhh! You shut the hell up!"_

**".....Are you crying?"**

_"Bastard, leave me alone."_

**"Crap, I made you cry again."**

_"Don't make lies! I'm not crying! I'm not weak!"_

**"Easy now, don't hurt yourself, idiot."**

_"Fuck you, jerk!"_

**"Great, pinky, not now. Later okay?"**

_"HELL NO! Just leave me the hell alone!"_

**"Is there a problem with me?"**

_"Just what is **wrong** with you? Why do you **hate** me so much?!"_

**"Kami, I don't hate you...."**

_"**LIAR!** You always **insult** and **criticiz**e and** make fun** of me and you **enjoy** my **pain** and you-"_

**"Maybe because I like you."**

_"**Never** helped me and you always **torture** me and you think I'm some sort of **freak** and-"_

**"Obviously, I think you're different from the other girls."**

_"**Plus**, you think I'm **weak** and **small** and **immature** and I **dye** my **hair **and-"_

**"_Quiet!_...Ugh I'm getting a headache."**

_"**Really**, you **hate** me so much-"_

"**Shut up!**"

_"This is what I'm talking abo- Wait-**What did you say?**!"_

**"Unbelievable."**

_"Very....Tell me what you said!"_

**"Why the _hell_ do I have to _repeat_ it?"**

_"X-rays will-"_

**"You're using that x-ray shit again?'**

_"Zombies will-"_

**"Alright _fine_! Look, you're clumsy and stupid and immature and I'm-"**

_"Bastard!"_

**"Crazy about you...."**

_"...Don't lie to me! You're lying aren't you?"_

**"Exactly why I didn't tell you, you wouldn't believe me."**

_"...For real? Are you telling the truth?"_

**"Goddammit, I'm trying here!"**

_"Holy crap! ...Are you blushing?"_

**"Idiot! I don't blush!"**

_"Just kidding! Haha! No, really you are blushing!"_

**"Kami, you make this so hard..."**

_"Live with it, ass. Can't blame me, you love making fun of me!"_

**"Maybe you should shut up before I make you."**

_"No, that's okay..."_

**"Oh, good. Finally, I got that over with."**

_"Pssh, you actually meant that?"_

**"Quit asking! Kami, this is embarrasing.."**

_"Relax, Uchiha...I..I don't hate you either.."_

**"Sasuke. Call me Sasuke."**

_"That's new... Okay, Sasuke...Sa-su-ke...Sas-uke....Sas-gay..Sa-"_

**"Um.."**

_"Very different from what I'm used to hmm...Sas-kay-"_

**"Wanna go out with me?"**

_"W-what?"_

**"I said you wanna go out with me?"**

_"Oh um..I-I.."_

"Sakura, you lose!" shouted Kakashi.

"Oh Kami...Eh, sensei you look a little red in the face."

"It's nothing.." answered Kakashi. He did feel weird but he brushed it off.

"And Sasuke? I...I'd like that."

Sasuke smirked.

"Don't worry, my treat." offered Sasuke.

Sakura smiled genuinely.

"Where the dobe?"

"Probably inhaling ramen somewhere..."

As if on cue, both teens shuddered.

"How about we go somewhere else for our date?"

"Hn."

The two reconciled teens walked away leaving Kakashi all alone. He was about to call all three of his student back because really they were supposed to be training but thought against it. He really needed some 'me' time.

"What about your date with Neji?"

"Oh that?....ahahah I lied."

"Hn."

"Sas-SAS-GAY! STOP THAT! I'm TICKLISH!"

"Aa."

Kakashi puked a little in his mouth at the display of affection. But the two would not bother him anymore with their fights so he wasn't really going to complain about it. He felt the same funny feeling earlier this morning but he knew he was just hungry.

Later when he got home, he discovered that he had an allergic reaction to hairspray. Thanking Kami for face masks, Kakashi decided never to show anyone what was behind it.

* * *

_So yeah this was an idea inspired by the new show "Victorious" that had the idea of alphabet improv. You guys should watch it, the series looks very promising. I hope you found it funny. I'm aware that Sasuke is a little OOC but hey, it's a fanfic. Disclaimer: Naruto's not mine._

**Now, my dear reviewers, I have a challenge for you:**

**You have to begin every sentence with alphabetical letters, just like in this story. Feel free to begin with any letter you want. Are YOU up to the challenge? **

_Hope you enjoyed it! Please review and tell me your favorite line!_

**If you liked this, then check out my other stories/parodies :)**


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